Emotional Uprising

Hey Team, I know its been FOREVER, but a lot has happened in the last two weeks so I am sorry for being what some may call flakey. 

I guess I left off enroute to Montezuma. What a different experience this year. I arrived on Sunday and met up with all my old friends on the street which was so amazing and exciting! We had a few beers and it was time to go rest up. It was so different seeing them knowing i wasnt gonna be hanging out with them as much, or in the school, and this week was going to be a totally different experience.

Konstantin showed up from Santa Theresa on the Monday with super short hair and no beard so i was totally shocked! We stayed out of town a bit away from the Mayhem in casa colores, the best place one could stay in for sure! Highly recommended.

Shortly after it was dinner time and the night started off on a bad foot. Not only was dinner ridiculously expensive after coming from Nicaragua (costa rica is so expensive...never again!)we got the smallest portion sizes one could possibly imagine, things would have been way bigger and cheaper in Canada, no joke. So schmeh...

Through out the week we hit the beach, made awesome smoothies, THE BEST actually, ate huge breakfasts and delicious dinners, met up with Kostyas boyfriend Dan for a night and he stayed with us (dans super sweet, good company, nice, and i think kostya was stoked to have a bro around), went for a few unexpectedly super long walks in the craziest heat of the day, checked out Cabo Blanco National Park, saw the full moon, opened up bottles of emotions (wine and rum), talked about our ex's, cried a little, argued, laughed, and had an amazing week. Totally different experience being in Montezuma with a partner, then being on your own. I took away a totally different outlook then I had last year. A super interesting and emotional experience. I must say that this year i was not crazy like i may have been last year...or to say i know i was last year. Probably a really good amazing thing. I learned a lot this week and i feel it was super important. I let out a lot of emotion, and just learned tonnes and enjoyed the area. I also tried surfing again, and totally got my ass kicked and the worst stomach rash from the board that was unexpected but should have known better. I was tired too. I wish I could have tried again since KOstya was there with me, whose an amazing surfer and a really good instructor. I felt a little over my head with it, but i think the rash, tiredness, and getting pummeled by waves was a bit discouraging that day. I shall have to wait for the Pacific Canadian Ocean now. Which I am still super pumped about. 

We left and departed ways on the next Monday, one to the south, and the boys to the north. I left one of my best friends until May, and im super nervous because this next two months will be the second hardest couple of months ive ever had in my life... so a wave of crazy emotions keep popping up since that departure. I am already kinda crazy, so i hope this surgery i have in two weeks, doesn't turn into full fledged crazy mayhem and push some of my best friends away, because no one can really understand.

I left for Quepos to meet up with the Thunder Baytians before the festival. It was a big cluster F*ck kinda trying to meet up with them, but we finally made it happen in Dominical and when I saw Jesse Dyczco standing there with them, i lost my mind. So here we were, 5 amazing girls on our way to the festival in Uvita Costa Rica.

I went into this festival this year with a really different kind of expectation i think because i have seen it at what i think was its peak beauty last year. We had some friggen crazy intense and beautiful moments. I saw Medicine for the People and lost my mind, danced and sung hard to Rising Appalacia, and shook my but the most my small little butt has ever shakin to the best rendition of "No Diggity" by the Polish Ambassador that I have ever heard in my life. Met some awesome new awesome friends, shared some emotional moments with my current friends, had a lot of laughs, some impatience, some patience, all different waves of emotions from all spectrums of life, but at the end of my friday, one of the best nights of my life. THEN... saturday came. I cannot describe to anyone really how i felt because no one will understand. But i think i had Konstantin in my head the whole time with his outlook on festivals. I am not going to share that opinion because he just had some really good strong points, which at first i thought were super negative (which you might too)but then i started to filter out the meanings, but it took me a while to get over them and brought me a lot of frustration until I experienced my self on Saturday Night and got on the same page, So i will just kind of describe my saturday night experience, and you can kinda of put two and two together.

There was good music on Saturday and good people, but this year the festival was double the size and attracted a lot of different people to me. The bathroom situation was one from hell... i felt like everyone was going to the washroom EVERYWHERE because the washrooms were SO DISGUISTING, to me, the jungle smelt like one huge toilet, i saw guys going to the washroom on everything, i saw girls squatting every where, i saw people chewing their jaws apart, i didnt bump into people like i would when it was smaller, the tea lounge this year was kind of in the middle of the traffic zone. I had one night of bliss... then one night from hell. I dont know how people can be in a situation like that when the whole world is your toilet. People kept saying oh yah its like this everywhere, and i just kept thinking what the hell kind of festivals do you go too? We definately dont go to the same ones, because that hasnt happened to me. I have some of the best positive experiences and some of the worst that I am taking away from it. Last year i did a million work shops and had so many intimiate conversations and rocked the world with my friend Abbey. This year, i feel like maybe because we werent on a team, no one understood the things i was thinking... and last year i had Abbey to understand everything i was going through, or went through together. There is a peak for all these things, and for me, that peak was last year. Theres a bunch of emotions i have coming from all directions. I also have some super new positive goals coming away from this place from some super yogis and artistic people i met (like acro yoga craziness, I AM IN. I have met people i love, and seen people that make me really think of the things that are important to me. To much emotion i dont really know how to deal with. 

My friends must think I AM SO FRICKEN WEIRD, i couldnt describe myself, we all had a totally different time. I left yesterday to collect myself and reflect. All i wanted in the world was to talk with someone not here, like Konstantin, or Steven, or Tasha, someone... somewhere, who loves me, who can cry with me, or try to understand, just listen. But of course, kostyas out of contact, steven is working nights, and i cant skype with Tasha right now because of all the people around me. And because I am feeling kinda lost right now, i cant stop thinking about my surgery date that is nearing, and nearing fast. My family is awesome and will be there for me, but my non family loves wont be. I need someone to lay with me in my bed, and help me fight through the cramps, and help me get to the washroom, and be close with me in a way that my family cant... and being a bit of an emotional basket case right now is really enhancing this feeling times 5000. 

I need out of this jungle hot tropic right now and to be sitting in a pine forest in Algonquin park with my grandpa or something. i want to chat with my mom for real, because shes my mom and actually an amazing listener when im going through shit, but i really feel like my god mother Cody is someone who can also be on this same page, she will listen AND talk my ear off for hours if we start this conversation. thats why one is my mom, and one is my god mother.

This blog post is crazy i know, but thats what their for, to be honest and share experiences.

Im stoked to go home on friday, i dont know where im going tomorrow, but tonight Vicki, Bear, and I are at a SWEET hostel in Bahia Ballena.

All is safe and well, and ill figure out the next few days and report back, I will be back Friday, and starting preparation for the scariest operation of my life. Twice as risky as the first... here we go. Big girl pants have got to be put on.

Love you all, and see my southern Ontario family soon, followed by my mom (Grandma??? is she coming??? i miss her kind soul so much :( Shes my monarch and a hell of a lot more grounded then i can be)


Love you!!!!